There was one evening I genuinely thought I had been a contributing factor in my husband’s demise. I am pleased to report that he is actually alive and well and long may that continue.
It was a Saturday and we had been out hillwalking that day. As always, I saw physical activity as an excuse to eat whatever I liked (a reasoning that has led me to have a little ‘junk in my trunk’). After a wander through the supermarket we settled on sausages and mashed potatoes for dinner. We both had showered after getting home and stuck on comfy clothes as we would just be staying in for the rest of the evening.
I was in the kitchen, cooking the sausages, and had just turned them with a set of tongs. At that point my husband came through to the kitchen and decided to open his jeans and proudly show me that he was not wearing any underwear. To this day neither of us, especially him, are quite sure why his did this, but we both know he was trying to be funny and there was no deviant undertones. So, what does a wife do when she is standing with tongs in her hand and her husband’s genitals in front of her? She snaps the tongs in a fast open/shut motion near aforementioned genitals. Husbands jumps with surprise/fear, just enough so that the end of the member actually gets caught in the sereated edge of the tongs. Probably only for a second or two, but flesh was definately caught. Then it started bleeding.
To be continued.
I think we are all familar with the various incarnations of the game shag, marry or kill etc. I have one which is slightly different and calls for a little more imagination.
Pick you person – it can be someone that you want to ‘get freaky’ with, or not, it really doesn’t matter. But it has to be someone that annoys you in some way, shape or form. So, you have to decide, would you want to shag this person, and how would you kill them. If you can tie in some ‘characterisitc’ of this person into the way you would kill them, the better. Not always possible thought, but imaginative killings are good. For example;
Johnny Borrell from Razorlight – no shag, strangle him with his skinny white jeans
Alex James from Blur – shag (possibly two or three times) and them drown him in a vat of his own cheese, melted
Would be interested to hear you shag/kills?
I should state that I do not condone murder or violence in anyway, this is just a wee bit of fun!
My meals for the past 3 nights have contained garlic – one meal contained six cloves. If people start collapsing as I walk past I will need to remember that it is due to the smell oozing out my pores and my rancid breath as opposed to my startling good looks. Darn it.
The previously mentioned fly worked its way out of eye late last night. RIP.
This is my second attempt at starting a blog. Like most things with me, I quickly lose interest. Here is hoping my second attempt holds my attention span for more than 3 entries. Doesn’t give out the best impression if my own blog does not even interest me that much…
What do I propose to put on here – observations about the world around me, probably quite a lot about food (I am mildly infatuated with food), things that annoy me and things that interest me. Chances are I will post some recipes up here from time to time, but we will see how that goes. Let me know what you think.
Today I was walking home from work (quite slowly and in a mildly awkward manner as my jeans are a little tight at the moment and my ‘looser’ pair are about to wear through at the crotch) and it was like slow motion as a fly flew towards me and straight into my eye. That was about an hour ago and I swear the little beggar is still ferreting about in there. I think I may the lady whose eye swallowed a fly.
I sometimes find that when I am standing at a street crossing, waiting for the little green man to show, I always want to be the person who gets their foot onto the street first. That applies to both the people at my side and people at the opposite side. I wouldn’t ever go before the green man pings up, but once he does, I just can’t move my foot fast enough. I don’t know why that is. Any thoughts?
I am going to go and watch Come Dine With Me and may come back later with any other words of wisdom I have. I am sure I can muster up something to rant about. Loud eating could be one. I think I may share my comments about that disgusting habit with you.
Over and out